I meant to work on the floor today, I REALLY want a floor. This is a project that requires my FAVORITE brother’s supervision, and he was laying concrete. Lest I be recruited to do that (it was raining and looked like torture) I thought I should find another project I could handle on my own. I decided I had stared at that gigantic useless water tank long enough.
It was time to go. Beat it asshole, you’re out of there. Like a boss I pulled out the bench supports, twisted off the outside spout and then called my Mom because god damn it I could not for the life of me undo the thingy (that’s actually the technical term, look it up) underneath the trailer. My Mom is a rock star and twisted it off like it was nothing. I started to try to yank the stupid thing out of there but no dice. What in the heckfest? Ahhhhh that’s right, there’s that underneath thingy!!!! So I sawzalled that B off, and the tank popped right out. One more project crossed off. Of course if you’re keeping score I did add an additional two holes to the trailer taking out the tank. I guess it’s still a win, right? I actually don’t know.
I had this nasty patch on the side of Molly that I couldn’t stand to look at, last summer I took it off. This year I thought it might be nice to have a plan to replace it so, you know I could have a side to my trailer. Crazy, right? I YouTubed how to take off the skin and I thought “why the hell not, couldn’t get worse than a huge gaping whole.” Miracle of miracles, the divine light of Science shown down upon me and I didn’t damage anything else!! Of course that’s the good news, there’s always more though isn’t there?
This is the stupid side patch I took off
***Side Note***You know what’s funny/sad looking at the second photo of the patch I hated so much? It doesn’t look that bad. Of course it was rotting out the bathroom/closet and would have destroyed a whole lot more if I didn’t address it but I can see now why I ignored it when I bought it. Okay less funny, more sad.***
First thing was to find a metal fabricator that could make me a new piece. At a little over thirteen feet this is no small task, especially when I want the same break pattern in the aluminum. I took my disgusting 55 year old piece of aluminum into Seattle to see what could be done. Let me tell you what makes you really feel your suburbaness: pulling up to a cool ass metal shop in your SUV that is only barely not a minivan and hauling out your piece of vintage trailer to fix. The shop was super kind and did a bunch of research into what it would cost, bottom line though is either i take it as two pieces or no break pattern. I passed. I can do better. I’ve found a shop outside of Portland (of course) that has like 12 different patterns, so it may not be the same but I can get close. They specialize in trailers so they can also give me the length I want. Just waiting to hear back to see if I can afford it!
Next item this project put on the agenda: replace all the rotten wood pieces in the frame that I had just exposed. This wouldn’t be hard, except I really want to do the two on the outer most sides. What does this mean? It means I am taking off the rest of that side. Cross your fingers for me. This piece of aluminum is perfectly fine and if I screw this one up it is totally a big deal.
So there we are. Major project started, no I still don’t have a floor, or a solid roof but at least I’ve got coffee and in coffee all things are possible.
Winter hiatus is over. Super over. The dark and depressing malaise of the last few months has finally lifted and out of the gloom I’ve rediscovered my grit. I needed to start out with a win and I needed a for sure win. I was not interested in my normal “win” that turns into a fucking avalanche of disaster but a real tangible win. So obviously I shopped out a little work. I sent my hideous (although functional) stove top and oven door to the Powder Coat guy and although I have not seen them yet, they could hardly get any worse. “Deuce Brown” has it’s place and I’m sure, at one point, it was a lovely color choice but instead I opted for teal with a fresh coat of “whatever the eff powder coat is” on the hardware and vent. It takes every bit of my grown-up reserves to not call every day to see if it’s done yet just so I can have something done and accomplished. To be fair to my awesome Powder Coat guy I did tell him my time line which may or may not have included a finish date of 2025. So he can pretty much take his time. I just really need to have this one pretty thing.
Something I’ve learned over the winter, my Fireball is actually 16′ long, not 14′, I should probably know stuff like that. The Fireball FB group, who are such an amazing resource, had some cool original Fireball Catalogues, it was looking at those that I discovered my new piece of comical idiocy. Comical idiocy is probably the best way to describe the way I feel and operate while muddling through Molly, everyday. Anyway, I’m also not changing the name on the blog, what would I even call it? “16′ of sass?” dumb, or maybe “16′ of sexy” ewww or how about “16′ of sparkles”? Actually I like that. So maybe that or I’ll keep it 14′ of Fury, who can know these things? I may just go back to calling her Ass Face and call it a day.
I realize that last post was a teensy bit on the dark side and then I ghosted and left for a couple months. I haven’t given up or lost hope, not yet. I did however put up a beautiful canopy over Molly that is probably the nicest thing about her right now. I haven’t done any more work on her though, I’m a big baby and it’s cold, really cold and rainy, really rainy. I’ll get back to it when it warms up a bit and with any luck I’ll have her ready for summer. . .of 2020.
As it turns out the previous owners of Molly are not the worst thing to happen to her, that honor falls to me. We can all have a good laugh now at my last post of my super cute fuck-ups, “Oh no! I climbed up a rickety ass ladder and didn’t injure myself.” Adorable. I have a legit fuck up now and it is super not funny.
One of the unholiest of sins against vintage trailers is applying the sno-roof goo to the exterior roof of the trailer. That shit is terrible and it doesn’t work and when you do inevitably get a leak you can’t get to it to fix it. I know this. This knowledge is laid out in big bold letters billboard style all over every vintage trailer restoration website. It is the gooey white devil of trailers (lol, gooey white devil).
This is the story of how I seriously, really, really, REALLY, fucked up.
I knew I should replace the entire aluminium roofing on the trailer, there was a huge patch on the front that was actually patched onto a newer piece of aluminum roofing that was then attached to possibly the original aluminium (possibly not). I knew I should. I knew it. Replacing the aluminium skin on the roof was a daunting task and I didn’t think I was ready so I thought I could just put one more layer of goo on top (there were already at least four existing layers) and buy myself some time, get used to learning new things, make my bones over smaller, less vital to the integrity of the trailer projects. I bought the goo, I took off the big patch, I bondo-ed the heck out of all the holes, I cleaned the heck out of the existing goo covered roof. I even removed the current ceiling vent so that I would have a clean thoroughly water-resistant surface ready for my new vent, which of course I didn’t want to install until the new roofing sealant was applied. It did make sense at the time. I wish that was the worst thing I did.
This whole event can really be summed up as “Kat sucks at reading ALL the directions” and pretty much could have been avoided if I had slowed down and read all the words. I digress.
I got out to the trailer on a gorgeous Monday afternoon, it was 72 and sunny an absolutely beautiful October afternoon. I read the directions on the can quickly before I started rolling it on, can’t let the temperature drop below 50, cool. Dew will just make it require more dry time, cool. Got it. Two coats required, allowing two hours to dry in-between and finishing two hours before nightfall. Well shit, I better hurry up.
I started rolling it on and it was GLORIOUS! It was bright white and covered all the blemishes and imperfections and from twenty feet away it looked so perfect. All the dents and bumps were still there but the were so much BETTER. I could see progress. Actual tangible progress. I could see my hard work actually coming to fruition. I was making shit better. Look, it’s better.
I ended up leaving it as one coat and was planning on coming back and doing a fresh two coats on Wednesday, I had lost the daylight. No big deal though, it was two hours before nightfall and the temp wasn’t going to drop below 50 overnight so whatever, just an extra layer.
I went to yoga the next day, Tuesday. It was wonderful. It had been months since I’d dragged my ass to a yoga class, I could use a little namaste. Our instructor mentioned the pending rain coming in the next few days and as I looked out the window I could see the clouds of doom coming together over our little town. After class I drove over to the trailer to throw a tarp over her and the big ass ceiling vent hole in the roof. I cried. The dew from the morning had liquified everything. Really, really liquified. Even the parts that were dry were no longer. I just stared at her. How could this happen? I had no idea what to do. I left Molly with a plastic garbage bag over the floor under the hole in the ceiling and called Andy. I had to pick the kids up and go to work so there wasn’t anything I could do for her anyway. There aren’t many days I can say I’m happy to go to work but this was one of them. If I hadn’t gone in I would have self-medicated into a coma. It was that bad.
I ended up having my mom (THANK YOU) throw the tarp back on, knowing, if by some magic, the sealant hardened the tarp would be there forever. A forever tarp. My amazing mom actually lifted the tarp slightly so that it doesn’t actually rest on the roofing so much, a slight reprieve would be granted should the worst occur. I called the maker of the sealant to figure out a worst case scenario fix, all they could tell me is that the sealant was compromised and they couldn’t legally advise me further. Thanks.
I went over first thing in the morning to assess the damage. The floor inside, drenched. Water/toxic goo puddles had pooled all over the roof. I borrowed a large tub from my mom to collect the drips (that should read as “rivers” not drips) and put a heater in the cabin to start drying things out. I went and purchased a new super duty tarp, I squeegeed off the pools of weird stuff (sorry world, I am officially the reason our kids won’t have drinking water) and ordered a much needed canopy to erect around Molly. I can not wait to see how much worse this gets. Namafuckingste.
I dont know about you but I’ve really enoyed watching this blog turn from “Molly McFixit to Molly McFuckit.” To honor this new phase of vintage trailer ownership I thought it would be fun to share some of the more idiotic things I’ve done while working on Molly. I do a lot of really stupid shit on any given day but here are some of the extra special gems. You’re welcome.
We bought the trailer on May 11th. I bought the adorable black and white check flooring in the evening, of May 11th. Seriously. The same day. Guess when I’ll get to put it in? What you don’t know? Oh probably not, since I DON’T KNOW! Genius. At least I bought enough right? Nope. I thought to myself “The trailer is super small, one box is probably enough. I don’t need to measure. Measuring is stupid.” Yeah, I had to order two more boxes.
I used this ladder one time to get on the roof because I was too lazy to move the big ladder (I mean it is REALLY heavy). It is some kind of miracle I didn’t fall to my death on that thing. The only reason it’s there is that it helps hold down the tarp on top of the Dream Machine. That’s right, every single rung has been cut so that you can’t actually use it for a ladder. Unless you have a death wish. Awesome.
My most favorite though is when I went out and looked at fabric for the cushions. HAHAHAHA. Because that’s totally happening this year. “Oooh I don’t know babe what do you think? Kitch or modern, turquoise or orange?” FUUUUCCCKKKK. I am surprised no one tried to strangle me with my stupid fabric swatches.
Or when I thought, oh you know what would be fun, ripping out veneer without trying to save the pieces for a pattern. Or that time I inhaled asbestos just so I could rip up some stupid tiles or when I sanded the exterior without a mask (those tissues were so GROSS). You can pretty much (100%) count on this being a recurring post. I could fill a post of stupid shit I do at the trailer daily. Again, you’re welcome.
I spend a lot of time bitching about Molly, A LOT of time. I’d like to just take a minute to remind myself about some of the awesome things about her. I truly love working on her, seriously I love it. I’ve never taken on such a big and completely foreign to me project and I love it. I love that it is such a piece of shit and that I continue to make it better. I love that I have to think of things and research and then research some more. I have to make decisions with confidence and authority and with enough knowledge to back them up that I can argue with my brother about it. That is no small feat. He is really tough, really smart and has soooooo much more experience than me.
And that brings me to some other things about working on the trailer that are super awesome. My brother Andy. He lets me keep Molly at his property, use his shop and tools and is always helpful with advice or know how. It’s been really cool having his help on this ridiculously big project.
And there is no way that I would even get a single thing done on the trailer if it weren’t for my mom, Ruth. She’s watched the kids for me on short (and sometimes zero) notice without complaint. The boys have adored all the extra Grandma time too so I know they would say thank you as well.
And of course Phil, for never telling me no, even when he probably should have. For being the best editor and not letting me alienate every person we know with all the F bombs and super inappropriate jokes I want to make(yes this is toned down). And for reminding me that I can do this. I promise I’ll totally have her ready for next summer. Swear. I think. Well mostly sort of readyish.
Sorry if this reads like a terrible Oscar speech I promise I will go back to my ranting, angry, swear-filled trailer posts next time. Fuckity bye.
The good news is that the silly deadline I had set for Molly has long since past and I still get to keep her, the bad news is that I keep making more work and can’t even imagine the day we can take her out on the road. So I mean that’s pretty rad right?
I feel like I keep making things worse, so much worse. That silly side patch that I took off? Well I also took out the whole floor in the closet and under the cabinet and also part of the main cabin. Why not, she’s not going anywhere anyway and who doesn’t love having your feet planted firmly on the ground when you’re standing inside a trailer?
Thank Science for my bro, Captain Fix Everything, he swears he has a plan and although he has explained this plan to me I still don’t get it. That might be the most frustrating part of working on the trailer. I just can’t understand the “how” of fixing something. I look at that picture and I see a big effing hole on top of a big effing hole with a side of big effing hole and I can’t wrap my brain around what the first step to putting it back together. Like I said my brother is the best.
I made a little more tangible progress on the roof. I ripped out the current vent and have used probably a gallon of bondo filling screw holes. All of that means that I’m about ready to seal the shitty roof that I don’t want to keep but have to make last at least one more season.
If I could just stop making holes in the stupid trailer I think I would feel a little bit better. At least the weather is holding now and I’ve got two tablets filled with cartoons and games that say my kids love working on Molly.
I’m back from vacation and ready to do some damage. I’ve sat with this roof issue for the last couple weeks, found the company to purchase the aluminium from and then decided I’m going to wait. I should do the roof, I know that but . . . well I think I’m just going to slather more goo on it and do a half-assed paint job on the whole thing and call it good for this year. This will save me more than a couple hundred bucks and give me a chance to build a bit of confidence doing all the other shit. Plus I can be road ready fast (as long as my beastly, I mean adorable, children cooperate).
So I’ve got a plan and it’s hella solid and check me out I already started step one. That’s right, suck it TO DO list! I’m coming for you! I started on the windows, I’ve got to strip them buff them and then take em out. I started stripping the windows today and it is so satisfying I want to pour Jasco all over everything. It’s tedious and slow but so so good. (Feel free to insert your own stripping joke here. I had like six but Phil would prob censor them.)
Windows done the end of next week, a plan for the electrical will be done by Thursday and the To Do list is my bitch.