My previous titles for this entry “How F*cking Stupid” and “Come On Now, Get the F*ck Out of Here” were both vetoed by Phil, perhaps because originally they didn’t have any *’s in the them and he was worried I could possibly offend everyone everywhere. Phil is also forcing me to put in a warning here that there is a major Sons of Anarchy spoiler ahead so stop reading now if that’s a deal breaker. Anyway, let’s get to the tears. I’ve been pretty diligently working on Molly a few days a week for three or four hours a stretch each time, I kind of just want to call her FuckFace right now. However, every night instead of writing about old FF I’ve been binge watching Sons of Anarchy instead. **Spoiler: Everybody dies. EVERYBODY.**
So here is where I stand with FF I’ve got all of the windows stripped, half of her sanded (some mothereffing idiot painted one or maybe all five layers with a brush so there are drips everywhere). I took off a big side patch that was moronically tacked on over existing sliced up aluminum and growing moss in the seams (oh thanks for the water damage in the bathroom A-hole). I removed another mystery patch on the front to discover it was covering some weird ass hole in the aluminum there. Basically every place there has been a chance of this project getting ahead I get slapped in the face like some rookie bitch with another five more projects that I need to do first.
Inside I’ve removed one cabinet (thanks bro) where I need to replace the ceiling veneer and taken off all the lighting fixtures. I’m trying really hard not to get distracted with too much inside. I really need to get the exterior “done” before the weather changes.
After each of these projects piled on top of each other I did a slow sad walk around the trailer kicking rocks and feeling pretty shitty about my progress. Nope that’s it, no happy ending today. Everybody dies here too (metaphorically of course).
I took a break from my ceaseless stripping (you’re welcome everyone) to spend a little time with my big bro, the Duke of DIY, the King of Project Creep (just ask how a bathroom remodel took his whole house down to the studs), Captain Fix It All, my brother Andy, he came to help me lay out a plan for all Molly’s electrical needs. I’m replacing everything because what’s currently there is crap and will likely kill us all. So my original plan was to spend twenty bucks on a five pack of those click on click off sticky lights (the ones from the old infomercials) and just paste those everywhere, I’ve been told by pretty much everyone I know that this plan is the dumbest ever. Whatever. My brother’s plan is slightly more involved, more invasive and will be fucking amazing when completed. We spent three hours going over details and the West Marine catologue (boats and trailers have very similar needs) and I’m still googling what Andy was talking about because I understand like 3% of what he said. New skill in the works for me here. It’s a solid plan and now I have a budget so I can make it happen, once the exterior is completed-ish of course.
And then Andy got more Andy, so we also planned out a new propane system, and a new water system and even costed out putting a bathroom back in (no promises on a toilet Phil). Holy guacamole dude. This trailer might have a shit roof for another year but with my bro’s help (yes it’s only help, he’s not doing it himself) it is going to be SICK, and also very safe.
Andy also showed me the two most life changing things ever. He is kind enough to let me keep Molly on his property so I can use his shop to get her going. On this day he gave me a tour of some of the newest features of the shop, I now know where the music is and where the beer is. Best bro in the world. For really reals, thank you Andy.
I’m back from vacation and ready to do some damage. I’ve sat with this roof issue for the last couple weeks, found the company to purchase the aluminium from and then decided I’m going to wait. I should do the roof, I know that but . . . well I think I’m just going to slather more goo on it and do a half-assed paint job on the whole thing and call it good for this year. This will save me more than a couple hundred bucks and give me a chance to build a bit of confidence doing all the other shit. Plus I can be road ready fast (as long as my beastly, I mean adorable, children cooperate).
So I’ve got a plan and it’s hella solid and check me out I already started step one. That’s right, suck it TO DO list! I’m coming for you! I started on the windows, I’ve got to strip them buff them and then take em out. I started stripping the windows today and it is so satisfying I want to pour Jasco all over everything. It’s tedious and slow but so so good. (Feel free to insert your own stripping joke here. I had like six but Phil would prob censor them.)
Windows done the end of next week, a plan for the electrical will be done by Thursday and the To Do list is my bitch.
I’m not generally a glass half full kind of a gal. I’m a straight shooter, if it’s shit I’ll call it shit. That’s just my cross to bear, along with my ridiculous good looks of course. (insert winky face here) So it’s weird that I keep seeing this old girl in such a positive light. Of course this could be due to her status as a time bomb. Phil purchased Molly for me conditionally, our little lady had to be at Weekend Warrior status by the end of summer or I had to sell her. Well shoot. I will say that I find “functional” to be a very ambiguous term. I find her plenty functional right now, just don’t open the closet and you’ll be fine.
This is where my new found positivity comes in to play. “Look honey it’s that glorious water damage that I said we should really be grateful for!” I ripped up the floor of the “honey bucket” room that we will all call from this moment forward the “CLOSET.” Truthfully not that bad of a demo. I got to feel like a bad ass carrying two super big kind of rusty old crowbars and then I ripped shit up and all told not that much actual rot. I pulled out one non-supportive piece of wood and sort of exposed the outdoors in one teeny tiny place but I feel like I can totally fix that, no problem. So bring it on Molly, I’m not scared.
There’s no turning back now. I had to see just how bad my “good kind” of water damage was, all things considered, not too bad! Kind of. I started digging into the layers and layers of gross goo on the aluminum roof to see if I could get down to the actual skin. It has two possibly three layers on top of the aluminium of this nasty shit that I had a hell of time scraping off with a putty knife. I was able to peel a bit off around the leaky part and around the front patch.
Did I mention the ginormous front patch? It looks like someone ran the poor front of the trailer into a tree and then slathered on a bunch of black tarish stuff then slapped on a piece of aluminum and then used some sheet metal screws to jam the whole thing together. The screws aren’t even screwed into anything so there’s a growing space between the patch and the original skin, it’s cool though cause they covered it in EXTRA weird goo so it’s definitely solid (have we agreed on a sarcasm font yet?).
I also found two other rando covered over vents as well, those are not leaking currently but it’s only a matter of time right?
With all of these atrocities going on over just 14′ I think I might just replace the whole damn roof. Not actually that difficult if I can just figure out where to purchase the aluminium (if anyone knows the answer to THAT holla atcha girl). Or I can always just patch, patch and patch and re-slather with more weird goo (that’s what she said).
There are things you should know about me. My normal approach to a new project is “Awesome, I’ve got this totally great idea that has no thought or research to back it but I swear it will be totally bitchin when it’s done, so let me just try it right now. Seriously. Right. Now.” So as you can imagine my success rate is not always something to brag about. Moxie, though, I’ve got plenty of moxie. (Holy shit, is it too late to change her name to Moxie?!?) Anyway, this can not be my approach to this trailer, this will take research and planning and very detail oriented focus. First world problem I know but let’s just appreciate for a second that it has just dawned on me that not only do I have to learn a new skill every time I want to work on the trailer but I also have to learn how to be thoughtful. I’m not alone in this though . . . I’ve got a solid team of brilliant and kind and oh so very generous of their time friends and family ready to help (you know who you are) . I hope, otherwise I am so effed.
I decided to just get as much shit, I mean pieces of beautiful history, out of the trailer as I could. I wanted to see exactly what we were dealing with and prioritize projects. I pulled up the carpet, took down all the blinds, the mural wall paper (look at that! I did manage to let you go) the backsplash (installed just well enough to be a pain in the ass to remove but not well enough to look good), all the terrible stickers and the bathroom floor. This is where it gets fun. So the downside is there is still a leak, but the awesome part is this means we have to make the exterior a priority and THAT means PAINTING! I’m not actually remotely close to painting but I’m a year closer than I thought I would be so hells yes to water damage!
I guess this is progress? All I know is I look sexy as hell.
It’s like me and the Fireball are dating and this is our getting to know you phase. All of those “quirks” are just SO adorable right now. I actually told Phil today that I found some water damage, but it’s cool because it’s the “fun kind of water damage.” Someone is going to have to break it to poor Molly though, this is going to be one of those really unhealthy relationships where I tell her I love her and then get to work changing EVERYTHING about her. Don’t feel to bad for Molly though, she’s got all kinds of fun bombs to drop on me.
So Phil and I went ahead and bought a beat up but super amazing vintage travel trailer, a 1961 Fireball Meteor to be exact. Together we have exactly zero experience in restoring anything even remotely like this. We do like to drink though and I feel like we get A LOT of really good ideas that way. just kidding. mostly. I thought “Hey wouldn’t it be fun if we documented the shenanigans so people could see how super cool and hip we are?” Heck yes it would be. Or we will have something to laugh at while we sign the divorce papers that this little gem of a trailer could bring about.